“Do not worry about your career. Concern yourself with your vocation, and that is to be lovers of Jesus.”

- Mother Teresa

the war on learning haha

Stern as death is Love, relentless as the nether world is devotion; its flames are a blazing fire. Deep waters cannot quench love, nor floods sweep it away.

- Song of Songs 8: 6b-7a

You know that common confusion that people go through when trying to figure out “what to do with their lives”?

Well it hit me really hard.

i don’t think a day went by that the thought escaped my mind. It was as if the pressure was going to make me explode. i wanted to do something meaningful, and i felt i had to do something that would make me “successful” - something that would allow me to have that house in the suburbs with the three kids and potential vacation house. i thought that success was derived from the money you made, the job you had, the car you drove, whether you were smart or athletic or technically savy…

i mean why not? That’s what i saw (or i thought i saw around me). When people told me that someone was successful, those were the characteristics that seemed to be coupled with the compliment…But there was something about that that just didn’t click with me.

“Well its Bitter-sweet symphony, this life.

Trying to make ends meet

You’re a slave to the money then you die

I’ll take you down the only road I’ve ever been down

You know the one that takes you to the places where all the things begin”

- “Bitter-Sweet Sypmphony” The Verve

It was something that i can merely compare to hopelessness. It seemed as if that were the road i decided to take that my life would revolve around making money. My job would end up becoming my life. i’m not saying that that is wrong, or that anyone who has those things or that type of job is wrong or misled or searching in the wrong places – but for me, personally, it didn’t sound appealing as to the life i wanted to live. i was starting to want to drift away from the money and put my life into something i thought could be of more value in the end. That’s when everything i was thinking started scaring me.

“You guys are all into that born again thing, which is great. We do need to be born again, since Jesus said that to a guy named Nicodemus. But if you tell me I have to be born again to enter the kingdom of God, I can tell you that you have to sell everything you have and give it to the poor, because Jesus said that to one guy too…(he paused because of the awkward silence)… But I guess that’s why God invented highlighters, so we can highlight the parts we like and ignore the rest.”

- Rich Mullins, Speech at Wheaton College

i knew i wanted to live a life that was meaningful in different ways. i knew i didn’t want to be a slave to my talents - to a job – to just making a check …but that was scary – because in this world, that’s what seems realistic. It seems silly or foolish or immature just to do what you love. It seems like you’re abandoning your “responsibilities” – like you’re just running away from everything.

So i was scared. i was nervous. i felt lonely. i was starting to get more into this Jesus thing. i was starting to be able to relate to, and understand what He meant when He said it would be harder for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven – and that was definitely far from a comforting realization. i like my SUV. i like my nice clothes. i liked being the high school quarterback or the homecoming king. i liked the thought of going to college and one day hoping to work with my dad in his Executive Recruiting firm. The more i was trying to get into my faith, the more i read more about Jesus – the more He seemed to be wrecking that life i had, or was heading towards.

The more i read, the more i prayed, the more i felt that those sort of “successes” didn’t really hold any value when it came down to my true happiness.

“The doors of normalcy and conformity are dead. The time has come to give up on the doors and find a window to climb through. It’s a little more dangerous and may get you into some trouble, but it is a heck of a lot more fun. And the people who have changed the world have always been the risk-takers who climb through windows while the rest of the world just walks in and out of the doors.”

- Shane Claiborne, Graduation speech at Eastern University, “Crawl through the Window”

So when i had a conversation with my dad over this past Christmas break about what i wanted to do, and what i needed to do to accomplish that – he helped me to see my window. i decided i was going to forget about college for a while…i decided i really felt that my passion was working with and for people who were oppressed and marginalized – so if that’s what i wanted to do with my life, i needed to learn about it and check it out…just like if i was going to get that degree to go into business with my pops. Ha, the only difference seemed to be i was going to get this “degree” or experience working at a mission in war-stricken Liberia instead of UGA.

And i was scared because going through that window led to a jump from “reality” or “normalcy” and comfort.

So i’m starting to make my way out of that window. i made the climb up to the window, i got on that plane that led me to this place. This place that is teaching me what truly is meaningful. It’s teaching me the priceless ness of a contagious smile you can’t fake. It’s teaching me how to be grateful for everything instead of bitter for what i lack. It’s been a harsh reality of the truth that someone who makes $1.50 for a 14 hour day laboring in the African heat can be, and in most cases is, happier and more fulfilled that those making 6 figures a year in the states working the 9 – 5.

It’s teaching me a new definition to the word success. No longer does making money or having those material things come anywhere close to what success means to me anymore. To me – in my heart, my success will be the impact i can have – what i can do for others. i want to be the arm reaching to those around the world who need it. i want to bring light to the importance of things that we, as Americans, take for granted... i no longer want to sit waiting for this world to change, nor do i want to try and predict what will have to happen for it to change…i want to be part of the change – because the change has to start in each and every one of us. The change works from the inside out.

Since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has similarly been tested in every way, yet without sin. So let us confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy to find grace for timely help.

- Hebrews 4:14-16

So now i’ve found my window – and i’ve made the climb up, and I’m looking down at the jump. And honestly, i’m a little scared. i’m not scared about the jump – i want nothing more than to run a mission like this one or start my own 501c3 (Non-profit or NGO) - but i’m scared about when i go back home. Because i still do miss all the stuff and it will be just sitting there waiting for me when i return.

i want to make the jump; i’m going to make the jump. And in many ways, just the change of thought is a jump in itself - but its time to put the rubber to the road. Its time to live in this new found truth and avoid folding to the pressure of conforming back into the numbing normalcy we love to play it safe in. It’s time to look silly to some, foolish to most, and hopefully childlike to all.

zinnah caught in the act

“Bound by allegiances and loyalties which are broader and deeper than nationalism…This call for a worldwide fellowship that lifts neighborly concern beyond one’s tribe, race, class, and nation is in reality a call for an all-embracing and unconditional love for all.”

- Martin Luther King Jr. “A Time to Break the Silence”

Pray for understanding, peace, patience, generosity, forgiveness, joy, compassion, wisdom, and LOVE… for all of us!

Life, Love, and Peace

uncle matthew