“BE NOT AFRAID.  I GO BEFORE YOU ALWAYS

COME, FOLLOW ME, AND I WILL LEAD YOU HOME”

One of the boys from the Our Lady of Fatima Rehab Center

Now A crippled man was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” So the man gave them his full attention, expecting to get something from them. Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but whatever I have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ, walk.” Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. He walked into the temple courts, leaping joyously and praising God.

-       Acts 3:2-9

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Yesterday was a hard day.  For a minute i felt as thought my life here, or who i want to be at least, was in vain…

 

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In the Catholic Church, yesterday was the Annunciation of the Lord.  It heralds the beginning of our salvation… It is the celebration of when Mary, said YES.

 

Alter cloth of the Queen of Peace and baby Jesus over Africa - from the Virginia Retreat

“In Jesus, God has placed, in the midst of barren, despairing mankind, a gift from above.”

-       Pope Benedict XVI

 

THE ANGEL GABRIEL was sent from God to a town of Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man named Joseph, of the house of David, and the virgin’s name was Mary. And coming to her, he said, “Hail, full of grace! The Lord is with you.” But she was greatly troubled at what was said and pondered what sort of greeting this might be. Then the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus. He will be great and will give him the throne of David his father, and he will full over the house of Jacob forever, and of his Kingdom there will be no end.” But Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I have no relations with a man?” And the angel said to her in reply, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God. And behold, Elizabeth, your relative, has also conceived a son in her old age, and this is the sixth month for her who was called barren; for nothing will be impossible for God.” Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” Then the angel departed from her.

                                    - Luke 1:26-38

 

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“Do not be afraid. Nothing will be impossible for God. May it be done to me according to your word.”  When I talked at prayer last night those words were the only words I could focus on from when Benjamin had read the gospel.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.  He is so good…  And over and over again He shows me that although He gives and takes away, He always provides, and NOTHING is impossible with Him.

 

So when i first got here one of my biggest fears, was the stigma of the American. And i see it played out every time i go to Redlight or Monrovia but i thought, or at least hoped, i would never see it here at the mission…Well today i did.  And it was pretty heavy on my heart…

 

Today, John (a new volunteer that came from Cape Cod – i also met John last summer when i was in Honduras) and i went to Monrovia.  When David Dionisi (founder of the mission – teachpeace.com) was here he asked me to do a favor.  He told me that 4 of the boys who had never asked him for anything asked if they could have a few things (3 wanted soccer cleats – which none of them have, and the other wanted art supplies – which also none of them have).  Dave felt that the boys had been so good, and the past 5 years they hadn’t asked him for anything, so he wanted to get these things for them - - can you blame him?  The dilemma was that he was about to leave and wouldn’t have time to take the boys on the errand himself – so he asked if i would do it for him. i didn’t think anything of it and quickly agreed.  But the more i thought about it, the more i was hesitant…i knew that if i got stuff for 4 boys…there would be 92 others who would be without…and its not like they aren’t going to notice that they have new cleats – most of them play soccer barefoot. So i put off the trip…until yesterday…

 

This is when the day starts spiraling..

 

John and i left for Monrovia with the Mission driver, Mr. Alfred.  When we got to Waterside Street, which is the big open market in Monrovia, we parked the car and got out to look for a place to exchange the money i had ($US) into Liberian Dollars…

Out of the corner of my eye, i saw a money counting machine in a store on the side of the market and decided that would be a good place to give it a shot.  i walked in and asked if they could change $US into $Liberians and they said “Yea, of course”. They asked me how much, and i said $200.  i gave them the money, and as the girl was changing it…she started snorting…like a pig…i heard it and at first and thought she had an itch in her throat…but as it continued there was no mistake that it was an insult…

We left the store and i looked at Alfred and asked if it meant what i thought it did…He looked at me, turned away, and just nodded…He knew it would hurt me, and he was right… They woman snorted - implicating that i was a white pig with money…

 

It was all i could think about, but we had to run the errands so i tried block it out as much as possible. We found a group of men selling cleats on the side of the street and we stopped and bought the cleats…Alfred later informed me that the men told him that if the cleats were for him he would have sold them for $17 US but since i was buying it he would charge me $20… as i’ve been around Honduras and now here, i’m definitely used to having to pay more because i’m american, but because of what had happened earlier, it kinda got to me…i tried to let it go, and we walked towards the car to head out…

 

boy soldiers fighting in Monrovia during the war

Let me preface this next part by saying that throughout the entirety of Monrovia, the streets are crawling with crippled men - past child soldiers or rebels, begging for change walking around in cructches or scooting around on boxes atop wheels because they either have had one or both legs blown off. Well when you park in a bad part of town they usually watch your car for money.. not a lot, 10-20 $Liberians (20-30 cents $US)..not a lot to us... but that buys a meal and a drink in Liberia…and that’s a good amount of money to someone asking for money on the street because they can’t get a job …

 

So we get to the car and this man from a store walks up to me as i’m getting in the van…He tells me that he was watching our car and he was demanding that i give him something for compensation…

The issue was he was not a cripple, he was a store owner…I also did not ask him to watch the van…and he was not asking…he was demanding… “ I watch yo’r car, Wha’ you gonna give me!?!”… i didn’t know what to do, at first i just smiled and said i hadn’t asked him to watch the car… “Bu’ I did…Wha’ yo gonna give me?!?” he insisted… i didn’t know what to do, and i knew i had some $Liberians in my back pocket – i didn’t really think, and me being the people-pleaser that i am – not wanting to leave the man “vex” - reached back for a bill and handed it to him…

Well it just so happens i only had 50s in my back pocket…when i exchanged money i received large bills because $200 US is $12,800 Liberians…i felt like an idiot…  And it didn’t help that the man walked back to his street-side-store holding up the money to his friends while simultaneously pointing at me and laughing… It was definitely not helping my feeling like just another “throw-money-at-everything-american”, which in all honesty, is how we portray ourselves to other countries around the world – or at least in the experiences i’ve had, that’s how the people have perceived me…

 

So i sat quietly the whole hour and a half ride back to BlackTom Town.  i just thought. i felt like instead of attempting to erase the “money = everything” stigma, i had added to it, and i was just became another stupid white man in Monrovia with money…

 

i got back to the mission and i gave the 3 boys their cleats and jerseys…they were so thankful…which was nice…but the thought of the other boys was still in my head…

And when i went to work in the field, multiple boys asked… “Uncle Matthew, you got them boots, I want some too!”…they saw me as just money, a means to get material stuff… My heart was heavy…i came here in hopes of getting away from the materialism…the power of money…the means to “things”…

 And then boys started asking me for clothes, bags, and other things - it was a hard day on my soul. i didn’t want to be that. Sure, i would love to buy them ALL cleats, and i told them that – but if i did, i would be sending the message opposite to that of which i want to send… i didn’t want to give them just money…i wanted to give them something i believe is more valuable… i wanted to give them myself, my time, my love…i wanted to be like Peter to the cripple… “Silver or gold I do not have, but whatever I have I give to you” it wasn’t money that made the cripple walk and then leap joyously… it was Peter, it was the power of Love - of giving himself and devotion.  Something more valuable then a means to material…more valuable than money…

 

So last night at prayer…As Benjamin was reading the gospel (the reading from Luke at the top), God put heavy on my heart what i had to talk about…

 

“Do not be afraid. Nothing will be impossible for God. May it be done to me according to your word.”

 

“Do not be afraid”

 

i told them about how i had a bad day…and why it hurt me…i told them that that was why i left the numbness of convenience and materialism. But in the same breath, also that i was afraid…i was afraid of coming here and my “mission” be in vain – i was afraid of just being another white guy to the people, who everyone expects to throw around more money then they’ve ever seen or needed. i talked to them about why it bothered me when they all wanted me to get them “stuff”, and that although i would have loved to, that with the money i have here (made possible by all of you - thank you all again for your support and prayers!) i wanted to put towards the greater good of all. i told them that money can be good, when used for the right things, and that with the money i had - i wanted to put it towards bringing more people into the program or sending more people to school. i explained to them the good in giving to people who really need it in this country the same opportunity that they were receiving, who needed it more then they needed new “boots”. i did want to be preaching the gospel of “Lord please enlarge my territory” instead of the Gospel of Love, sacrifice… the gospel of a Savior who was poor that we might become “rich” in the words deepest meaning…

 

 “Nothing will be impossible for God”

 

i told them that although in the states i lived in the convenience and in a world of things, i came in hopes of giving something else, myself. i wanted to be real with them, i wanted to be bold yet soft, i wanted to run, play, laugh and cry with them. i wanted to be vulnerable and uncomfortable. i wanted to live the life they live – out of my comfort zone - and learn how to Love and be generous… i don’t want to live for me or just focus on myself (did you know that English is the only language where “I” is capitalized?)which is extremely difficult and only human - especially in the society where we live…but in reality we’re only creatures for a while. (311)

 

 “May it be done to me according to your word.”

 

i told them that we had to say “Yes” like Mary did. That faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains…

“Sometimes the only way is jumping – i hope you’re not afraid of heights” (Gavin Degraw)

…That we will have doubts, we will have fears – after all we are flesh…

But the great thing about life is that it is full of uncertainty…its an adventure…

[Jesus said,] "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matthew 6:34

i told them that i am very much LEARNING faith - That every single day is a struggle for faith (Even Mother Teresa said there were days when she didn’t know what she believed in or if there was a God). 

But if we can find that faith, if we can put our trust in God, He will always provide...Because nothing is impossible with Him.  And i told them that when i said yes to God calling me here, i knew He wanted me to graduate from the sublime…the things we in america don’t see…the power of money, or where we really put our love…i wanted to look at the faces i meet, i didn’t want to just live for a buck…or give just a buck(Third Eye Blind)…i wanted to give me… i asked them to help me to continually say yes… to hold me accountable… to help me to become a servant…

 

 

“I am not skilled to understand

What God has willed me, what God has planned

I only know at His right hand

Stands One who is my savior”

-       Aaron Shust

 

“What’s it gonna be? Are you real to me? Or are you Non Dairy… creamer?

The new love is burning up in me

‘cause 1 in 4 american girls has an STD.

And you can buy yourself some implants

but you can’t buy a soul that never launched

With your chest bumped up what are you so afraid of? What are you so afraid of?

So what’s it gonna be? Are you real to me? Or are you Non Dairy… creamer?

Mission Accomplished.”

                                    -“Non Dairy Creamer” Third Eye Blind

 

 

“There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.

Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung.

Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game…its easy

Nothing you can make that can’t be made

No one you can save that can’t be saved

Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time…its easy

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE. ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE. ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE

Love is all you need

Nothing you can know that isn’t known

Nothing you can see that isn’t shown

There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be…it’s easy                       

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE. ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE. ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE

Love is all you need”

-       “All You Need is Love” The Beatles

 

 

All you who are thirsty, come to the water! You who have no money, come, receive grain and eat; Come, without paying and without cost, drink wine and milk!

-       Isaiah 55:1

 

“…Upon entering this path of unity we had chosen him alone. In a burst of love we had decided to suffer with him and like him. Well then, we have experienced that God, who is nothing but love, cannot be outdone in generosity, and through a divine alchemy he transforms pain into love. In a word, he was making us into Jesus, whom we experienced in ourselves through the gifts of his Spirit, gifts which are summed up in love…”

-       Chiara Lubich

 

It is Love that God desires, not empty sacrifices…

Thank you all for your prayers and support, we definitely feel them! I hope everyone is doing well, and I pray that you never let whatever fire is burning in your heart be extinguished ...

Pray for Love, understanding, generosity, compassion, wisdom, and courage for all of us...

Life, Love and Peace

uncle matthew